


Passion

by JhosyLephor



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Drama, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-18 12:32:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4706180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JhosyLephor/pseuds/JhosyLephor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Pearl is alone with Garnet she feels strange, her heart beats out of control and her body heats up. <br/>The gem discovers that she is in love with her leader, but her feelings appear not be matched.<br/>Pearl will have to deal with her feelings and her broken heart while an unexpected visitor the asked to date.<br/>Pearl will fall in love with this visitor or will continue trying a chance with garnet?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Feelings

She knew she couldn’t. Those feelings did not lead to anything. Still, the thoughts and desires wouldn’t disappear.

 _I must be going crazy, my goodness_.

Garnet was sitting on the couch in the small living room. Her legs were crossed and her arms outstretched, her upright and silent figure staring into space. Steven was next to her saying something about the Big Donut and Amethyst was on the floor picking a bag of snacks.

Pearl turned to the stack of dishes in the sink. Her heart was racing and she had a strange feeling in her stomach.

_How can this be happening? I am a Gem, we should not feel these things! Maybe I'm damaged... Yes, that must be it. It can only be that!_

The little gem ran a hand through her temples and sighed down. As always, Steven and Amethyst had made a mess in the kitchen. She did not realize the imposing figure behind her.

Pearl sighed again, more deeply, as if she wanted to blow all those sensations out of her.

\- Pearl...

She was startled, feeling the voice reverberate within her being. The gem knew that their leader was behind her, she could feel her presence close to her body. Her heart pounded in her chest and suddenly she felt the need to inhale large amounts of the air of that world, even though she didn’t need it to live.

\- Pearl...

A deep voice, almost guttural, called her name again. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, feeling her fingers tingle.

\- Y-yes...?

She didn’t dare turn around to look at Garnet, knowing that she would feel weaker than she already felt.

\- Why don’t you come sit with us?

Pearl sighed again, swallowing. She felt her mouth dry.

_I must be damaged... I need to find out why I’m feeling things only humans feel_

\- I-I-I ... I will in a second. Let me just finish washing these dishes... - She knew she was talking too fast, but she couldn’t calm down. - Y-Y know how I am! I hate when things get messy.

She let out a small laugh that sounded more nervous than she intended. Garnet watched her silently. She wanted to know what was going on. Pearl had been very strange since the day that Steven brought the family that owns the Fish Stew Pizza.

Garnet put her hand on the shoulder of Pearl and felt her retract. She frowned and turned to her.

Pearl felt Garnet's hand on her shoulder. Her hand was warm and soft in contact with her skin. That only made her symptoms worse; she felt her face burning, as if coal was being pressed on her cheeks and ears.

The pale gem squeezed her eyes in distress.

_What is going on!? I cannot handle it anymore!_

She could feel it when Garnet turned he body. Her eyes still closed, her head facing the ground. Pearl knew it would be over if she looked at the highest Gem.

Garnet watched her, her face was facing the ground and her whole body seemed to shake.

-Pearl...

Her voice was soft and low, almost a whisper. Pearl could feel the concern in the voice of the other gem, and she began to feel guilty.

\- What's going on, Pearl?

The pale woman still could not look at their leader; she didn’t dare open her eyes or lift her head.

Garnet brought her hand to the chin of the lowest gem and lifted it up. What she saw left her speechless and worried.

Pearl opened her eyes slowly, still unsure of where to look.

The taller woman watched her, her face was frustrated and painted a very dark blue to the tips of the ears. Some strands of her pastel hair were stuck in her wet temples, with what looked like sweat.

_But gems do not sweat... What's going on with Pearl?_

Pearl rolled her eyes and eventually found the sunglasses of Garnet, staring at her. Her heart jumped in her chest. It was a feeling she didn’t like, as if there was something heavy on top of her, pressing against her body.

She couldn’t see the Garnet's eyes behind the sunglasses, but she knew she was watching her carefully. She could see the shadow of her little body shaking in the glasses of the highest Gem.

\- Pearl... Are you okay?

Her voice sounded worried and, for a moment, Pearl felt her legs give way.

_Oh my goodness, am I going to die?_

Garnet felt the other gem soften and hold up against the sink behind her. She took her hands into the arms of faintest gem, holding her to keep her from falling.

That only made her more worried, not knowing what to think and do.

-O-oh ... I'm fine, Garnet.

Pearl drop a smile in the corner of her lips, that did not convince the other gem.

\- You do not look well ... Come on, let's go to the temple.

\- N-No!

Her voice was loud and exasperated as she loosened up the hands that held her. It was a quick and thoughtless movement, but the minute she did it, she could feel that Garnet had been frightened and everyone in the house had turned their attention to the two of them.

_Oh no!_

She put her hand to her lips and stared at Garnet, who had a surprised expression on her face.

Garnet rarely showed any emotion on her face and it just hurt Pearl even more.

-I-I'm sorry... Garnet, I-I...

She looked around, seeing the prying eyes of Steven and Amethyst. Turning her eyes to the highest gem, she realized that Garnet had controlled her emotion, returning to her silent and straight expression.

-I-I'm fine!

She let out a sigh and this time managed to put a smile on her lips.

\- I'm perfectly fine! Don’t worry, after I finish washing here, I’ll sit with everyone.

Garnet stood looking at her without saying anything. There were a few minutes of silence and Garnet nodded, turning to sit with everyone.

Pearl turned to the sink and put her hands inside it, dropping yet another puff of air.

_Oh goodness, what am I going to do…? Am… Am I in love?!_


	2. Looking for love

She remembered reading about it in one of Steven books. It was a story about a young girl who fell in love with one of his father's enemies. The book described all the symptoms of that Pearl was feeling in those weeks.

She went to Steven’s room get the clothes to wash and remembered the book.

_Maybe I can clear some of my doubts rereading that object._

The gem searched the room, but couldn't find the book in the middle of the mess that Steven had left.

\- Pearl!

Steven called her when he entered through the door of the house, running with a girl beside him.

\- Steven ... I'm here, don't yell.

She went downstairs and met them. The girl was Connie, who had been there with them sometimes.

\- Oh, hello, Connie.

The girl smiled and replied

\- Hello,Pearl.

-Pearl, Connie can stay for us watch cartoons together?

Pearl smiled at the two children who looked so lively.

\- Of course, just make sure to tell your parents.

The gem had picked up the clothes and was leaving when remembered that perhaps Steven knew where the book was.

\- Steven...

He turned excited.

\- Do you happen to know where that book you let me borrow is?

He seemed to think for a few minutes.

\- What book?

Connie had turned off the phone and joined them in the room.

\- That book ... A-about love.

Steven still looked lost and Connie dropped a smile on her lips.

\- Pearl ... You're in love !?

Pearl felt her face heat up and she turned her back to the children, clutching her clothes against her body.

-O-Of course not! - She laughed nervously - W-what makes you say that?

She sighed and controlled her embarrassment turning to them.

-Well ... Are you interested in love then?

Pearl thought for a few seconds.

_I'm not interested in these things. I've never been really. I just want to be able to clarify these strange symptoms I'm feeling._

She knew that even though she was interested in love or if she was in love, Garnet would never feel for her the same.

\- Not really ... I just wanted something to read. Lately we are not having many missions.

Steven seemed to wake from his thoughts and made a sad face.

\- I'm sorry Pearl ... I think I lost it. It's been a long time.

-Oh ... - Her voice was discouraged. - It’s ok, dear. It was just a silly book.

She worried, how can now learn more about these symptoms? How would she learn to deal with it?

Because of these annoying feelings her friendship with Garnet was becoming increasingly strange. Whenever both were alone, Pearl invent some excuse to stay away from the gem. On missions she caught looking at the leader, and at certain moments she forgot what she was doing.

After the fiasco of last month she somehow managed to remain calm and act normal in front of Garnet. If that  behavior could describe normal

Connie woke her from her thoughts.

\- Pearl, if you want I can lend you some of my books.

\- Oh, thank you, dear! This will help me a lot!

The next day Connie had gone to play with Steven and left Pearl some romance novels, like humans called.

She was isolated in her room and stayed there, studying the custom of humans.

Before she had never shown any desire to learn the customs and normal activities of the inhabitants that planet, but now every book she read, she felt that knew more about this process.

Pearl finished the first books that the girl gave her and took new ones with her.

She now spent less time with the gems and every time she returned from a mission she stuck inside the room and not come out until finished the book or be called to another mission.

Soon the members in the house began to notice her absences and deconcentration on the battlefield.

\- Garnet, what's going on with Pearl?

One day Amethyst asked when they returned. Pearl had walked to her room without speaking to anyone and remained there until evening.

Garnet remained silent while directing her gaze to the gem's door.

\- Garnet!

Amethyst said. She didn't respond.

For some time she had already realized that Pearl had changed. She was no longer around, was always lost in thought and strangest of all, she blushed suddenly.

The first Garnet thought it might be some sort of fatigue, although gems never tire and don't need sleep. But the days passed, weeks and now months.

Steven and Amethyst are the most absent-minded and were already beginning to notice a strange pattern in the behavior of the older gem. She needed to know what was going on with Pearl and she needed to know now.

Regardless of the presence of Amethyst and her questions, she headed for the bedroom of the most fragile gem. She knocked and waited. There was no answer.

Garnet felt impatient and scratched her leg. She knocked again and heard no sound.

She extended her hands and Sapphire gem and Ruby opened the door before her. She came in, alone in the pale gem room.

Inside the room there were water fountains, flowing smoothly and calm.The door closed behind her and she walked to the middle of the room, there was no signal of Pearl.

She concentrated and felt the presence of another gem in that room. She jumped and climbed into one of the fountains, looking around where the other gem could be.

In the distance she saw Pearl, sitting in the highest fountain, back turned to her, her head down.

Garnet jumped again and quietly walked to the smaller gem. Around her there were several open books and some loose papers, full of letters.

The other gem didn't appear to notice her presence. Garnet took one of the papers on the floor and stared. There were several lines written senseless. She read a phrase.

“In your eyes, Oh love, I find torment. Inside these stoic eyes I get lost.[…] If you knew, my beloved how bad you make me feel. If you knew at your simple breathe my soul fades away. [....] Oh perdition of my ways, what can I do to achieve your step?What can I do except look at distance and feel my heart fall apart? [...]While my heart languishes in loneliness and pain, I watch you , her smile so powerful that undresses me and consumes me [...]”

Garnet looked at her, Pearl still unabated lost in her activity.She looked again at the paper in her hand.

_I don't understand ... What is all this? Pearl ... Pearl's in love?_


	3. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some explanations about behavior and thoughts of Pearl

Since she began her research it started to become clear.There was no way to escape, the fall was imminent.

Through the books she learned that her feelings would not decrease with time, she couldn’t heal or return to normal behavior in the presence of her beloved gem.

At first nothing made sense, why she had fallen in love with Garnet?They knew each other for thousands of years and she never felt like this.So why that year, that time and at that season she had fallen in love?

Pearl put the book down and dove into the water, the water gently involving her.

Her heart was beating fast, moving her hands she clutched her clothes against her chest

It was strange, she had never paid attention to the beats of her gem heart , not even noticed that it existed, despite knowing that she had, obviously.

Now that always reminded her that she was alive, pulsing fast,pumping her hot existence through her veins, tight into the small space inside her body.

Sometimes she thought her heart was damaged as it hit tight and sore, as if there wasn't enough space in her body.

She sighed opening her eyes and staring at the top of the room.

_I’m so tired...._

The months had passed running, all the time she felt an anxiety simmering inside.It was like her physical form didn't respond to her brain. Often emotions confused her, now she was anxious, sad and confused. Now she smiled alone and felt a strange heat in her cheeks.

Love was indeed a roller coaster of sensations.

_It must be good to love .._.She said to herself as she thought of Garnet.

_I wonder ... she feels like this all the time ...?_

Garnet is relationship.The fusion of two gems that love each other so much that wants to be a single organism, and so she thought that her feelings would never be corresponded.

She had been in a fusion before, but couldn't remember the entire experience, however she still felt the sensation of being part of something big, bigger than herself.

_I wonder if fusions can love too ..._

She smiled sadly to herself, the answer was obvious, so why would she still did?

The gem rose up of the water picking up some papers that she had gotten from Steven. The pages were marked with various scribbles, a foolish attempt to rip from her chest those repressed feelings.

She had examined the books and realized that through the writing she could express her feelings, since she couldn't say to her superior. Pearl rubbed her head feeling the wires in disarray. She knew she was a mess.

The gem thought aboutthe past, it was important to find out when she had developed feelings for her colleague.

She had always adored Rose and devoted to living for the sake of their battles, not finding time to develop emotions, after all, in the battlefield feelings just get in the way.

She sighed softly feeling sadness at the memory of her former leader, Rose.

She understood that she had loved Rose, but not like she loved Garnet. Her love for Rose was of a soldier to her superior , a faithful servant to her master.

Rose took care of her when nobody else had.Rose helped her be who she was today, gave her a course, one cause to fight. Because of Rose she had, finally, known this feeling called love.

 She smiled to herself.

_Yes ... I know when I fell in love ..._

It was so easy and so silly, she always loved her.

When Steven was brought into the world everyone was sad because of the death of Rose, Garnet was the only one who stood up to support her friends.  It was she who was in front of the struggles, that made Pearl look at the world beyond the vision of a soldier.

The gem always admired her captain, different from how she had admired Rose.

Her passion had shown more widely when they were on the beach trying to socialize with the pizzeria owners. Steven asked them to change their clothes,  then  she saw Garnet’s  attractive and curvy figure in a bathing suit. Pearl  was been hit by her desires, hidden all this time under her own modesty.

Ever since she could not stop  to stare at Garnet with impure eyes.every second they were together, Pearl couldn't suppress her thoughts, eager to be wrapped in an embrace, an almost indomitable desire to have her lips pressed together in a kiss.The delight of caressing her face, the irrepressible fever from inhaling her perfume, to feel her warm flesh against her burning slowly in a pure flame of lust.

Pearl shook her head trying to push away her libertine thoughts.The vision of the dark goddess and desire left her breathless.

 


	4. Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay in posting the chapter  
> I'm concentrating on finishing the story and only then will return to release. This can take a while.

Garnet ran a hand in her temples feeling a slight annoyance.

_Who is it? ... By whom Pearl is in love?_

She sat next to the gem that was lost in thought and  writing quickly on a piece of paper.

_She didn't notice my presence ... Just ..._

_What's going on with you, damn it!_

She faintly inhaled the air and looked at her.

\- Pearl...

She felt the woman  get surprised and turned at her with open eyes.

Her hair precisely tidy was in disarray, some stuck strands of hair in her temples. The eyelids were reddened, the pale and wet lips.

She had never seen her friend like that

 

 

* * *

 

 

Pearl was lost. The time freeze inside the room, all she could see was Garnet in front of her so close that if extended her hand could touch her.

She panted in the sudden speeding up of the uncontrolled heart inside her chest, her entire body seemed to tingle.

The gem  wasn’t feeling  her extremities, It was like her brain had suffered a shutdown.

 She tried to swallow and realized that her mouth became dry, the throat stuck preventing her voice and the air to flow through her system.

_What was she doing here? How she entered?_

\- G-g-g-g-Garnet!

She managed to expel the words quickly rising up and stumbling over her own feet.

The leader was fast enough to hold her in herarms.

When realize that she was wrapped in the arms of Garnet she experienced an emotion that she had never known before.

 Some kind of shiver, but Pearl knew that wasn't it.  Internally , her body was producing indescribable sensations. Like a cold impression that was expanding throughout her torso, humans described the sensation as "feeling butterflies."

At the moment she had not understood the expression and thought it must be some kind of misunderstanding, but now she understood. The feeling was so tenuous and light that looked like the sweet beating of wings of a butterfly.

She tried not to stick to the fact that she was with the face against the chest of her passion, the smell of the skin penetrating her nostrils and drugging as an addictive substance.

_Oh my goodness ... She's so warm!_

She thought at feel the cozy warmth emanating from the body before her.

The captain stepped back and looked at her friend.

-Are you okay ?

The voice was steady, gentle and worried. Pearl felt a seething anxiety inside.

\- Y-Yes ... What are you doing here !?

The leader glanced around staring at the room again.

-'I've been here for a while, Pearl.

Her mouth opened in surprise and fear. How she didn't feel or  see Garnet there?

\- What were you so focused on?

Said the woman moving toward her again.

She felt her face flush with the proximity.

\- Oh ... Just reading ... Y-you know how I'm curious about things.

She smiled turning her back and walked to the lowest floor of the room.

She looked at the door while the other walked silently toward her

The fragile gem felt the body close to her, just a few centimeters of pure nothing separating  them.

Automatically her breathing became  shallow,  her heart fast and troubled at feel the sudden approach.

It was amazing how Garnet could make her pass through a roller coaster of feelings without even noticing.

_Oh no ... No Garnet, do not come any closer ... Please ..._

She was fighting with her own desires  that were crazily screaming  to throw herself into the arms of the other woman.

The closeness worried her, leaving her speechless. It made her thoughts scramble inside  her head. But she knew that somehow her body desperately craved it every time they were alone.

\- Pearl ... We need to talk.

She lowered her face closing her eyes.  The husky and deep voice reverberating through the silent room, by her overheated form.

It was very difficult to control herself in the presence of her leader. She had been hiding, fled to the solitude of her room so wouldn't need face these strange situations.

And yet, here she was pleading with her senses, crying out for the reason not fade away face at to whirlwind of emotions.

She didn't respond, she couldn't answer. All of  her attention should be directed to the struggle that was happing internally , she needed to keep the composure.

\- Pearl, look at me.

The gem knew she couldn't no longer ignore the requests of her colleague, she sighed and turned away avoiding looking at her.

Garnet watched her, it was more complicated than she feared. Pearl was in love, deeply in love and avoided everyone for some reason.

_But by whom?_

The captain decided to be direct.

\- I already know everything.

The eyes of the delicate woman widened in terror, the emotions confusing her even more.

She Wanted to cry and to rip of the chest such swirl of feelings.

She brought her right hand to the chest and tightened the clothes feeling affliction.

_How? How she found out?_

_She cannot have discovered ... It’s impossible! ..._

_I've been keeping distance,  paying attention to the small movements that I do._

_She cannot have found out!...Oh no…_

She turned her back on the tall gem again and sighed. The tears coming up at the corner of the eyes.

_Stay calm Pearl ..._

_She cannot know ... Right?_

_…She has not... She can not…._

She sighed again shutting her eyes, trying to keep the posture.

_And if she knows?_

The thought came back to haunt her, she couldn't get rid of fear.

_And if she see behind my mask?_

She coughed low, feeling her throat close in despair.

Without looking at her friend replied.

\- What do you know?... What you think you know?

The disturbance was evident in her voice that came out shaky.

Garnet sighed.

_Why is she so afraid to let me know what's going on?_

\- I saw your texts on the floor ...

Pearl felt her body freeze, her existence waver as her face gained a strong blush .

She withdrew her hand from the chest and landed in left arm, squeezing it she realized it was cold.

\- I know you're in love ...

Pearl didn't answer. The world spun before her eyes,  the fear consuming her, devouring, while the silence  cut her like a thin and serrated knife.

_Oh my Goodness! I don't want to confess!_

_I don't want to betray your trust in me!_

She knew that reveal her feelings would imply a complete change in their routines.

Even if her whole being screamed into revealing her passion, a weak certainty said Garnet was never going to love her, that  she would hurt even more and would lose the only person  she ever wanted so fervently.

-Who is,Pearl? ... Please ... Tell me.

Her voice was so kind and so gentle that broke all the resolution  she had. Her heart gave in to want, to love.

She turned quickly, her body talking faster than the methodical brain. The face stained with deep blue, the red lips soaked in desire.

The leader was surprised, the image of women in front of her was that of a person who she had never known.

She contemplated her eyes,  so blue that looked like small replicas of the sea, teary, glassy eyes. The stained face, painted in a deep blush.

She had never seen her colleague like that. In all her thousands of years together, in all her battles and moments shared, never saw her so awakened, raw and beautiful as right now.

The two were silent, her eyes venerating. The tallest gem decreased the space that separated them, her torso touching her.

Garnet felt  her heart racing, her mind no longer managing to process the information.

She needed to know more, she wanted to know more.

Pearl realized the distance decrease,   becoming zero, their bodies in a tenuous contact.

Her physical form radiated an inordinate heat.

She wanted to remove the sunglasses of Garnet and drown in her beautiful eyes, but dared not move.

Everything was new, in all these months never felt a desire so ferocious like that. 

She felt her body in flames,  the attraction slowly burning and the sweat running down by her face.

It was no longer scientifically logical those symptoms, that madness.

\- Pearl...- Garnet spoke again still looking at the flushed gem - Who made you like this?

She moved feeling the cold wall against her back,  she couldn't run away, she had nowhere to go.  She dug her nails against the concrete, her legs were shaking.

The leader stood firm, walking  closer from the other until their bodies were back in touch

\- Pearl ... Tell me ...

The pale woman bit her lips and stared at the floor breaking the exchange of glances.

_Maybe I should say now ..._

_If I say it may be that this hurricane inside my chest cease, lose_  its strength...

_Who know I actually have a chance and she says she wants me too…_

She could see their legs together, her torso touching her.

The heat in the room was becoming insupportable, she breathed softly and bit her lower lip.

She wanted to feel her, she wanted to feel Garnet now. The body alive, warm and pulsating against her. Their bodies fusing, the bare skins touching, the lips melting one inside the other.

_I want you …Oh, how I  desire for you!_

Pearl was losing control. Her entire being screamed to embrace the gem.

The heat, ah, the heat was unreal as magma burning in the middle of her breasts, filling her body of uncontrollable chills.

She turned her head to the side trying to think, trying to be rational. Struggling to maintain control of her body that was exploding in lust.

_How could she do this to me?_

_In one minute I feel paralyzed and now I'm..._

_I'm feeling  crazy, desperate, built of voluptuousness._

The captain wanted to see her eyes again, wanted to look what those crystalline eyes could tell.

She put her left hand on the shoulder of the pale silhouette and with the right lifted her chin to look at pearl.

That was it, she could no longer control herself and surrendered to the passion.

With the parted lips, panting, she directed her eyes to Garnet and grabbed the wrist holding her chin.

The other gem glanced at the hand that was holding her strong, nails digging into the skin.

Pearl felt the heat sprouting through the pores, sliding through the skin, wetting the neck and the tips of her hair.

The shirt, which was always aligned with the body, now slipped loose by right shoulder.

The leader blinked behind her glasses feeling her heart beating fast again, shaking inside with heat.

_What .... Damn ... This ..._

Garnet couldn't think straight, her friend, her fellow gem was staring at her with eyes full of desire,  red lips trembling slightly as if trying speak, explode.

Noticed the sweat on the temples of the other and frowned .

She removed her left hand of Pearl’s shoulder  touching her forehead.

She felt the soft skin, wet with sweat beneath her fingertips

_She's so warm ..._

_Damn, what's going on here?_

Pearl narrowed her eyes at the touch.  Her body shuddering at the contact that was light, gentle and yet, felt hot, incredibly and unbearably hot.

She held in the mouth a little sigh pressing her lips against her teeth, nails pressing the wrist of the other.

The tall woman withdrew her hand and came across a gem that almost couldn't breathe.

Then she understood. Her understanding unexpected coming, waking her from the drunkenness.

A thought which passed quickly over her head like a breeze blowing and cease slight, leaving only the  trail of freshness.

_... It's like she's in love with me ..._

The weight and shock of the resolution hit her hard. She stepped back and  took some distance.

Pearl opened her eyes unsure of what was happening around her.

She saw Garnet in front of her, parted lips, the bewildered face , perhaps a little flushed.

\- G-Garnet?

She was able to form the words, but before shecould continue the other walked to the door.

-W- What happened?

\- I’m... I'm sorry, Pearl ...

Garnet left leaving her alone in the room unsure of what had happened.

_... She ... She's in love with me ..._

 


	5. Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I would like to thank JASIAWEBB for giving a read in this chapter. Thank you very much!  
> I also wanted to say that I'm very grateful for the reviews that you did. You have no idea how happy that makes me. Knowing that my story has touched you in some way, made you laugh or I don't know ... just, thank you everyone!  
> I would like to explain a few things too. Have you ever noticed that some reactions and emotions in the story are greatly exaggerated, this is because I'm focusing on Pearl. I take her as a very dramatic gem, so ...  
> Another very important thing is that this story is marked as mature for a reason. Yes, I intend to include some smut ... But not now. Soon, but not now.  
> This is a slow burn after all  
> If you see an error or something strangely written...Report to me, please, for I will fix it.  
> I need someone to also volunteer to be my beta, if possible.  
> Sensual moments will happen and I don't feel comfortable depending on someone underage to beta, so ...  
> Last thing, this chapter is the most depressing in the story, so be warned.  
> This story is a drama...Not a fluffy story*

_Oh stars …_

The footsteps echo through the walls of the temple, fast and light. The shadow of a slim and tall silhouette shimmering in the high and rocky walls in the filtered sunlight. Nervousness and anxiety flowed in thick waves in her pores.

Everything was wrong, her world completely turned upside down.Event after event unfolding in front of her eyes without permission without prior notice.

She was scared, even desperate.It was like watching her life progress in the eyes of a third person. All her thoughts and wills ripped out,denied. Fate, if she could really let herself believe in this term, had a specific plan for her life.

_What am I doing? What just happened now!?_

The gem brought a hand to her head, running on a simple motion the messy hair with her long and pale fingers.

Garnet had already left some time ago and since then she couldn’t settle down. The notion that she had said or done something that revealed her secret plagued her and what was a question now presented itself as certain.

Her leader didn't love her, she will never love.In fact, she was quite sure that now she was seen as some kind of perverted, corrupted gem.

_Who falls for a fusion that is a relationship... Right?_

Sighed audibly and stopped walking abruptly. Her heart was beating fast, uncontrolled and tight under the ribs. Could feel as if about to jump out of the body by the throat, or simply explode.

What was she thinking? What a stupid idea was this simply give up her self-control?

Inhaled again filling the lungs of a vain usable air and let the carbon dioxide slowly breathe out by her nostrils.

 _I need to calm down. I_ **_have_ ** _to calm down!_

Well, if only it were that easy, she thought to herself with derision.

Somehow, Pearl needed to clean up the mess she had made. She knew she couldn’t leave it open because the odds of future irremediable events were very high and the variables that led to a good and peaceful time were almost scanty.

_Ok Pearl ... You need to calm down and think of a way to reverse this situation._

_Garnet can't know that you're in love with her._

_She can not even suspect it!_

Her feet begain stroll again quick and agitated, reflecting the state in which the mind was.

Why her captain could not know that she loved her?Why not just let the "destiny" take care of the whole mess?Why not risk that everything would be fine and maybe ....Just, perhaps all could ended well. She could love her too, right? _Yeah ... Right_ , the gem thought to herself smiling bitterly.

_Probably she must be thinking that I'm the worst existing gem in the galaxy!_

_I’m friend of Sapphire and Ruby, for the love of the stars!_

_They should be so angry. They must think I'm in love with them._

_Oh my Goodness, What am I going to do !?_

Walking from one side to the other within the wide temple she felt trapped,the high and cold walls surrounding her as a cage, like a cell confining to her own misery.

Droplet of sweat travel by the immaculate skin, the hands trembled without her consent at the same time that the air suddenly seemed to be very necessary and not enough to fill the capacity of her lungs.

She felt her eyes sting and tears blur her vision, her throat tightened with a knot that was forming.

She couldn’t let despair get hold of her system but it wasn’t as if the mere desire could overcome the feelings and thoughts that flowed through her head.

The gem loathed feeling out of control. She was practical, rational and logical but since the moment that had fallen in love, since the last few months all her self, her meticulous plans were all overturned. Feeling lost was not her speciality . She didn't know what to do and not knowing how to proceed in a situation was destroying her; Because in those moments she'd turned to look to her leader, because Garnet always know what to do, how to proceed, how to calm her.

However ... She couldn’t ask for Garnet, couldn’t call her and count on her support to resolve the situation.

A small tear flowed through her skin burning her and warning her for the pain that widened beneath her ribs.

_Oh stars ... I'm so fucked up._

_I can not find a way out without her. I can’t control myself!_

_Oh goodness, I don’t know what to do!_

Not knowing what to do and not knowing how to proceed was not so scary, after all she ever felt like this before,more terrible than it was to know that her anchor, her guide couldn’t be accessed because she was the source of her anguish.

She brought a hand to mouth covering her lips against the formed and strangled cry. Even though no one could hear from the temple, she didn’t want to hear her own voice,her own sound reverberate through the cold and without lives walls.

And this moment when her tears freely flow off her face, twining through her fingers, dripping on the collar of her shirt, wetting her chest, she hated herself.

She hated herself for being weak, being dependent on a gem that would never look at her again the same way.

She abominated herself by just stand in the middle of the room crying and falling apart by her own mistakes.She sickened by feel her stomach turn and untap within her body, hear her muffled sobs, feel her throat closing painfully and burn... Oh burn as much as a torch if she had swallowed.

She fell on her knees in the middle of the room, too weak to support herself on the feet, too weak to simply stand up and force herself to stop whining. Just weak, as she always was and always will be.

Pearl enveloped her arms around herself, as if the embrace could console her, decrease the loneliness that lurked and surrounded her shape.

She felt so overwhelmed with emotions. Sentiment that didn’t understand, couldn’t properly process.

Her body reverberated and exploded in small amounts of emotions never before experienced. Pain by plainly love and know that was not loved; Anguish for not being able to do anything to stop losing the only gem that ever mattered in her life; Shame to know that the fusion knew she loved her and thought the worst of it;Loneliness for not have someone to tell;Fear for not knowing what to do with a future that seemed so uncertain and dark.

_I ... Oh ... I ... I need to apologize to her ..._

_I need to get out of here and ... I need to make sure that she knows that I'm not ..._

_I need to do right and deny that I love her ... I can not lose her ..._

_I don’t want to lose her …_

Because even if Pearl  never got in her arms or surrounded by her scent, have her around, see her in the distance is better than being ignored or unwanted. And for that, to have hope that someday the captain will look at her again without disgust, without fear, without disappointment, she would do everything.

She could lift off the ground, wipe away her tears, glue the pieces of her small and insignificant heart, wear their masks and face her leader. And then deny, deny the love that was so spiked in her soul that if had to erase would have to extinguish her existence as well.

Yet to have her, in order to not lose her; Would put on the best mask that could build and learn to lie as well as anyone. Because she would rather feel lost, broken and dysfunctional,  but then have beside her guide, her anchor, her heart.

And with this resolution she rose from the floor, straightened her posture, wiped the tears from her face, inhaled sharply and donned her camouflage.

_You can, you can do it!_

_Just go and ... Get her again …_

_Get her, because you know that without her... You're nobody …_

And then she go ...

  



	6. I can't love her (Part.1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody, I apologize for the delay in updating. My time in college are very complicated.  
> Anyway, this chapter you will know what is going on in the head of Garnet, nothing too revealing because I don’t think we got to this point yet.  
> Another thing, this chapter was rather large and I'm too lazy to translate it all, so I decided to put in two parts. I'm out of beta, so if you see an error report to me, please.  
> I was thinking of putting this story in a universe Omegaverse(ish), what do you think?  
> But instead of common stories omegaverse I will not put mandatory use of extended clits to sexual involvement. It would be more like a conscious choice of the parties involved. Let me know via comments or private messages what you think. I'm still very uncertain about this.

The door closed behind her body, heavy and annoyingly loud, reminding of what had left behind the concrete, the discovery that struck so hard it left her disoriented.

_ Pearl is in love with me … _

This could not be happening, not with her best friend, her companion gem of years of battle.

Amethyst was staring, her mouth moving quickly but the sound didn’t reach her brain.

_ Pearl is in love with me … _

When did this happen? How had this happened?

Her stomach - illusion or not - was heavy in concern.

The violet gem kept talking, probably wondering why her leader was silent, standing like a statue - which wasn’t so different from an ordinary day, and yet ... -.

Quietly walked to the wrap pad and transported from the temple, leaving the youngest of the gems looking shocked.

She would deal with it later, when her head wasn’t confused with the swirl of a repeated thought.

Strolled to the fountain of Rose Quartz and took a seat on the edge, the noise of the waters bringing a light calming effect to her turbulent state.

_ Pearl is in love with me … _

The phrase circulated in her mind endlessly in a infinite motion.

She didn’t know what feel, didn’t know how to react. All wisdom and knowledge of the future right now was useless.

What to say to someone who is in love with you? How to react when one discovers the feelings that are printed, engraved in the eyes of the person who looks at you with admiration?

_ Stars … _

That was impossible, pointless. Something no logical,something... Oh, what should she do?

Strangely Sapphire and Ruby chose that night to stay silent. They know much more about love, could know what to say, how to deal with this mess.

_ What am I thinking? It is obvious that this is impossible. I’m not able to love someone else romantically! _

She was loved, she was the love of two people, she couldn’t give love to someone else even if wanted.

_ What were you thinking, Pearl? _

_ Why you fell in love with me !? _

The other gem should know, right? She should know that she had no love to give to others. But then, why? Why fall in love with her when she knew this feeling couldn’t be reciprocated?

And yet, she knew the answer to that. More than anyone, she knew that the heart doesn’t be controlled.

Brought a hand to hair and rubbed it in a gesture of exasperation, all is situation was making her confused.

Couldn't stop remembering of the lost face of Pearl, of the unguarded and surrendered expression that she wore.

What Pearl would have done if she continued in the room?Would the pallid gem confess her feelings? Would she done a move? Would she kissed her?

_ Stars… _

Sighed deeply closing her eyes, if gems slept she could blame it all to a dream, or rather, a nightmare.

Now she had to figure out how deal with this situation, how to solve this mess and reaffirm her lead in the group.

Yes, because Pearl having feelings for her changed everything. It was her fault, observed, for being too weak as a leader had opened breaches that have made the gem create illusions.

Rose never had this problem, was a flawless captain for the group and even being very close to the others didn’t encourage or implied any other intention except to a friendship and companionship.

Had certified to be gentle but firm with the group and yet ... Somehow, she failed. And now her all team was compromised because of this, because she had been incapable.

Her treacherous brain remembered the sharp blush on the cheeks of the short gem, she blushed so much that even the tips of her ears had become blue. Garnet faintly smiled remembering the graceful look of a blushing Pearl of the tip of the ears to the collarbone.

Couldn’t think of another time when the gem had been so incredibly blue before and she tended to blush easily. It made her heart beat a little off the pace, knowing that was the reason for such a reaction in another being. However, great as her entertainment and interest was to the reactions evoked in the warrior, couldn't get involved or feed the behavior. It wasn’t fair, not when she couldn’t love her as the other wanted.

She rested her face into the hand and breathe out audibly, feared the return to the temple, the confrontation.

She still didn’t know what to say, how to act. However, the mere thought of hurting Pearl made her chest constrict, burn feebly as if irritated, scratched, injured.

That should mean something? This hesitation about hurting Pearl?

_ No ... That's what friends feel … _

_ I _ **_can’t_ ** _ love her … _

She slid her hands over her face letting them fall beside her body, squeezed between the fingers the cold stone surface of the fountain - the solid rock steadying her in place, reminding her the present, where she was.- and tilted her head back. The sky was black above her head, the few stars adorned it, no cloud was in sight.

Inspired slowly exhaling through the mouth the air uselessly consumed.

_ And if I wanted to love her ... I could? ... I would be able to? _

She closed her eyes tight and sighed loudly.

_ What with so many sighs today? _

Garnet felt eccentrically empty, the absence of something that left her melancholic. Were not the voices of Sapphire and Ruby, analyzed. Often the two passed weeks  without a word inside her.

So what? What made her feel hollow, empty?

Why the revelation of Pearl triggered all these thoughts and mysterious symptoms?

_ I wish I'd never have discovered this … _

The night sky that rises above the foutain of the Rose Quartz is still black, lacking from the sparkling stars and moon. She lost track of time, the celestial vault above her head didn’t help to find the time. Not that it matters, really. Not when what she expected back home was intimidating enough to wish never again to set a foot in the place.


End file.
